Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
