Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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