people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
