He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
