why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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