I just gift wrapped bread.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
