Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
