I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
