My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
