my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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