it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
