Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
