Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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