omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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