Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
