and she was petting her beer can
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
