sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Randomize
