so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
