My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
