I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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