oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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