Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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