I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
