my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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