I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
