i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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