The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
