Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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