I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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