i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Randomize
