I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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