a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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