i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
