Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
