I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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