When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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