Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
