My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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