Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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