I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
