I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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