Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
