Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
