He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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