my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
