sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
