Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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