there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
