just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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