I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
