You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
