i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
