Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
pray to the hookup gods
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
