Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
