You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
