I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
