my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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