dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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