Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
