i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
