So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
