My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Operation Purity has been aborted
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
