apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
