I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
