o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
