My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
