My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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