hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
