I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
