just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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