I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
