Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
