Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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