I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
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