I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
